Memories Never Fade: Four's POV
by mary-middle
Summary: I'm writing out Four's POV, sticking to the story but adding in some of my own details : It starts with Four as a kid...
1. Chapter 1

_I read Divergent and I loved it! Then, since I couldn't get enough and I couldn't wait for Insurgent, I started reading FanFiction. Most were written from Four's POV, and I liked them a lot, though there was always something missing or some part I didn't agree with. I found myself thinking up my own story for Four and I thought that I would share it with you. Please give me feedback, I could use some critiques!_

_I also want to share my disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or dialogue. I am writing my thoughts based on Veronica Roth's series and the credit goes to her._

_-AB_

**Four's POV**

The memory always comes back to me. It is the start of all my problems, of all my nightmares. It is the reason my home became a dangerous place to return to, the reason I had to leave. The memory never fades; it just stays as vivid in my mind as the day it happened.

* * *

"Hurry, Tobias!" My father calls me from downstairs. "Mom is waiting for us!" His voice is loud, anxious, but excited. I can hear the happiness through his nervousness as he calls to me. I put my shoes on and run down the stairs as fast as my nine year old legs will carry me, jumping the last few steps. We're taking Mom to the hospital, because I'm going to be a big brother in a few hours!

My heart hammers as I run outside to the car, warm spring air hitting my face, smelling like grass and worms. It rained last night. I jump into the back seat of the car, slamming the door behind me and clasping the seatbelt over my lap. We don't own a car, and I'm not sure which neighbor Dad has borrowed this one from. It might just be a government car from work; Dad is a political leader.

I look out the window as Dad speeds out of the driveway and down the street towards the hospital. The houses are plain in our neighborhood, with small, sparse lawns covered in crabgrass and cracked driveways that most people don't use. People don't really own cars anymore. A few smaller children are outside playing, but not many. We don't play in Abnegation, but it's ok if you're small enough. I wonder if those kids know where I'm going, I wonder if they know that I am getting a new brother today and that they will have a new playmate!

Mom's labored breathing brings my attention back into the car. She gasps and lets out a little cry. "Mom, what's wrong?" I ask her, worried now.

"Nothing Tobias," she breathes out. "This is just what happens before we get babies."

I hear her crying softly and Dad takes a corner too fast. I slide to my left, hard, being held in place only by the seatbelt. Mom's moans are loud by the time we reach the hospital and it's all I can do to not cry. I want to be brave. I'm nine now, I have to be big and brave because I'm a big brother.

The car skids to a stop in front of the hospital and Dad jumps out, leaving his door open as he frantically runs to Mom's side of the car to help her. He smiles at her as he helps support her as they walk through the doors. I follow and he turns to smile at me too. I want to help, knowing that is what is expected of someone from Abnegation, but I don't know how. I follow close behind. Once inside, Mom is taken into a room and Dad stays with me for a moment.

"I'm going to go into the room with Mom," he tells me. "Can you stay out here? I'll be in and out to check on you and tell you what's going on."

I nod, but he's already turning away from me, excitement and anxiety in his eyes. I sit in a chair in the hall, bouncing my knees up and down, up and down. I can't wait to see my new brother, to help Mom take care of him, to play with him, to take him to school. I'll make sure no one bullies him, like they bully me. Kids from other factions aren't very nice to those from Abnegation. I don't think adults from other factions are very nice to those from Abnegation, either. I reach into my pocket and pull out a little ball that I got at school. I won a game (that I shouldn't have been playing) with a Candor boy and he gave me his ball. I have been saving it to give to my new brother.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps coming down the hall. I look to my left and see a yellow flash as a doctor and two nurses walking quickly. Most doctors and nurses are either from Amity or Abnegation, and these ones are Amity. They must be hurrying because the baby is here and they want to see, and so do I! They go into Mom's room and a second later, Dad steps out. I smile up at him with inquisitive eyes because I know better than to ask questions like a Candor, but I want to know how Mom is and if the baby is here! I can see that he's very tense and his jaw is tight. My smile fades, and my eyebrows come together in confusion. He sits in the chair next to me and puts his head in his hands. Something is wrong.

It feels like a second goes by and it is a day long as I stare at the door. If I thought my heart was beating fast before, now it beats faster and harder. My mind doesn't know what to think and I don't know how to ask and Dad hasn't said a thing; He hasn't even moved since he sat down. He hasn't even looked at me. No one has even looked at me.

The silence around me is suffocating, and it closes in around me. I feel small, and I am trapped by the quiet, still air around me that holds all the tension and keeps me alone in my head. I don't know how to reach out to Dad, but I have to understand what is happening.

The door to Mom's room opens slowly, creaking and making me jump. Is my baby brother here? Dad stands to better face one of the doctors as he comes out.

"Marcus," he starts. His glistening eyes say everything as they meet my dad's worried gaze. "It was a very rare complication… She didn't make it. I'm so sorry."

I can feel a burning behind my eyes and a sick feeling in my stomach as I stand and turn to look at Dad. His lips are parted, his eyes are wet, and all of a sudden he looks older. The face he wears doesn't look like my dad's face. He says nothing.

"Your new son is here, but his heartbeat is very weak," the doctor continues. He looks from Dad to me. "Would you like to come in and see him?"

Dad nods and I follow him into the room. To the left there is a bed and on it there is a long lump covered with a blue sheet. My throat tightens and I stop to stare. Why can't I breathe? What is that? It can't be my Mom. It isn't. She left through another exit, but why didn't she tell me? I study the shape of the lump, and my body starts to shake.

A nurse dressed in yellow puts a hand on my shoulder and guides me gently to the back of the room where Dad stands, looking into a plastic cradle. I look in to see a tiny head peeking out of a gray blanket that is wrapped around a tiny body. My brother! I take the little ball out of my pocket and lay it next to my baby brother. I'm glad I brought him his first toy.

Dad hesitates and then reaches into cradle to hold my brother. A sound escapes him, a little choked sigh. I watch as Dad rocks him carefully, holding him a little awkwardly. Then, Dad's face changes and he looks up at the doctor, distraught.

"I think… I don't feel him breathing… I don't feel… I…" Dad chokes and stutters. A nurse takes my brother from Dad and lays him back down, tears in her eyes. There are tears streaming down my face too, and Dad's. Mom is gone, and I don't have a brother.

I don't know what happens between then and the car ride home with Dad. I am shuffled around, but again, I'm trapped inside myself. I have been taught to be quiet, I don't ask questions, and I don't even know how to express what I feel inside of me. I don't even know what I feel. There is something heavy sitting on my chest that keeps me from breathing, something inside my stomach making me feel nauseated, something squeezing my heart so it can't beat, and something in my head that needs to get out.

I don't think that Dad has looked at me at all since he came out of Mom's room. He hasn't spoken to me. We get out of the car together and he follows me into our house. What do we do now that it will be only the two of us? There is something between us now that wasn't always there. I can't even bring myself to turn and look at him.

"Tobias," Dad says softly. There is a tension, a frustration in his voice now that I have never heard before. It's almost angry, but I can't imagine why he could be angry with me. Uneasily, I turn around.

"Who did you take that ball from?" His voice is frightening me a little bit, the low tone so foreign to my ears.

"What do you mean?" I ask him, my voice shaky. I haven't spoken in hours. I clear my throat. I didn't take anyone's ball, not really. I get ready to explain, even though I am very confused.

"The ball you left in the cradle, Tobias. You know you can't have toys. Toys are self-indulgent. I did not give you a toy, so you must have taken it." His voice is quiet, even. He doesn't give me a chance to respond, he just grabs my arm tightly, his fingers digging into the softer skin above my elbow, and thrusts me towards the staircase. I fall onto the first step.

I look at him, my eyes wide and my mouth open in shock. He comes towards me and kicks me hard under my leg. "Get upstairs!" He shouts at me. I whimper and scramble up the steps, but he follows me fast and kicks at my legs as I go.

At the top of the steps, Dad grabs a fistful of my shirt, right by my neck and hauls me towards the closet at the end of the hall. My feet are barely touching the floor, my arms bump into the wall, and Dad moves so fast. He opens the door to the closet and roughly tosses me inside. My body hits the back wall and slides to the floor when it lands on some boxes. It's so small in here, how do I fit? I can't fit, doesn't he know that? My chest feels like it has caved in and all I see is blackness. The door slams and the lock clicks, from the outside.

* * *

The memory stings each time it come into my head, unwelcome and unwanted. No longer am I in Abnegation. I lived for seven more years in my father's house, spending a lot of time locked in the upstairs closet since that first time I was punished for "stealing" a ball. I also spent a lot of time nursing wounds that I got from my father's belt, with which he began to whip me after letting me out of that closet.

He never gave me any comfort; I was always alone from the moment my mother died. I still can never seem to get out of my own head because my thoughts always trap me. People look at me, they see me now, but they don't know me. Most don't even know my name.

I am called Four here. I remember the day of my aptitude test two years ago, the one that every sixteen year old takes to see which faction they belong in. It's another memory, though one that isn't quite as painful. My test results were as expected: Abnegation. My stomach dropped when I saw that because I knew I couldn't stay in Abnegation, no matter what my test said. I had hoped for a different result.

Nevertheless, I left for Dauntless, a faction in which I fit well, but at the same time not at all. It works for me, though, and at times I can be happy, especially because I never have to see my father. But sometimes, I am tortured here by nightmares and memories. No matter where I go, those will always be with me.

Dauntless helps me forget most of the time. It gave me skills I can use to protect myself. It gave me friends, and we share a kind of camaraderie that comes from surviving the initiation process together. It gave me a job that I like. I work in the control room, monitoring the city's security. I know the codes that open the gates around the city, and this way, I can always get out. I am never locked in anymore.

Now I stand, leaning on a cold, metal railing that is damp with spray coming up from the chasm below. I feel the frigid droplets hitting my face and the sound of the water rushing by is loud enough to block out my silent memories for now.

"Four!" My name is called. I turn around to see Max, a Dauntless leader, walking towards me from the Pit. "It's good to finally find you! I've been looking for you. Don't worry," he says, in response to the look of dread that I give him. "I'm not here to talk about new positions yet. Well, not _those_ positions. I do want you to take on a new job. Could you train the initiates this year with Lauren?"

I purse my lips, my eyebrows rising slightly. I could train initiates. I don't want a government job, which is usually what Max tries to offer me, but I could be an instructor. Lauren was in my initiation class, and we are friends.

"I think I could do that," I say. It actually sounds like a good idea the more I weigh it out. I know what a torturous trial the initiation process is, but I also understand the rewards of making it through.

"Good," Max responds. "You should take the transfers. I was worried you might say no to this. I want the best of the best to train our initiates so we can get the best new members. It was either you, or Eric."

Oh. No, I would rather take this job than let Eric train the initiates. Eric wasn't always what he is now. He was also in my initiation class. He placed second in the rankings, second to me. I remember meeting him just after our choosing ceremony. We were standing at the train tracks, watching all of the other Dauntless jumping onto the trains, and we were both nervous. I jumped on the train first because I had to get far from my father. He almost fell when he tried to jump, but I caught his hand and pulled him in. We were friends from that point on until I started beating him in the second stage of initiation. He began to feel bitter, and got meaner and more power hungry. I thought he was just very competitive, but it was more than that. Now Eric is a Dauntless leader, but not the kind anyone would want training initiates.

"Eric will be overseeing most of the training, but it will be up to you to get all the initiates ready and through all the stages," Max continues. "Their choosing ceremony is tomorrow night, so things will get rolling pretty quick. Take the day to get ready for them. Lauren has the plans mapped out."

"Ok," I reply. I'm still thinking of what the initiates would turn into if Eric trained them by himself. Max can tell I'm distracted. He claps my shoulder before he walks away.

Max must have been looking for me for a while, because this is short notice if the initiates are arriving tomorrow. I do a good job of avoiding him. I don't want to talk about becoming a Dauntless leader. I never want to go near the government building because I know who works inside.

I walk through the Pit and up the steps to my apartment. On the wall is a mirror, something that you would never see in a home in Abnegation. I am uncomfortable looking at myself in it; old habits are hard to break. If my father weren't there, I would have done well staying in Abnegation. I have done well here in Dauntless, though, I remind myself. To drive the point home, I look into the mirror straight on. I have changed. I am thicker now, muscles showing the strength that my body has acquired since leaving Abnegation. My dark hair is always short, and my dark blue eyes have a different expression in them. They don't show fear here, like they did just two years ago, when I looked in the mirror as I cut my hair before my choosing ceremony. I am very different, and I know I am stronger now.

I lie down in bed and stare at my ceiling, waiting for sleep. This is how I spend most of my nights, either because of nightmares or my racing thoughts. I think of all the nervous sixteen year olds who can't sleep tonight, waiting to make their choices. I breathe through my nose and smile to myself, glad that I don't have to choose again. It's my last thought before I actually fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

A fast pounding on my door shoots my eyes wide open. The walls around me are white, with beige carpet on the floor. I'm wearing gray. It's Marcus at my door and I'm paralyzed. My body twitches but I can't move. Breath escapes me rapidly, and it's too hot in here. I can't move…

My eyes open for real to my whitewashed walls. 'Fear God Alone' is the only adornment I have put on them. Marcus isn't here, but I'm still soaking in sweat and feeling shaken. There is actually someone pounding on my door, so I get up quick to open it.

Lauren stands outside my room with a grin on her face. I lean between the door and the doorframe so she can't really come in. I don't have people in my apartment; it's one of my few refuges.

"Rise and shine, Four! Here," she hands me a piece of paper. It's our plan for the initiates. Short, but the Dauntless aren't big on writing out long, drawn out instructions. "Come on, I'm meeting Zeke and Shauna for breakfast."

I smile at her and close my door behind me. "So you're taking the Dauntless-born?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Of course. It makes much more sense if you take the transfers, you little ex-Stiff," she laughs. "You have your work cut out for you, good luck teaching them to not be afraid of the stairs in the pit!" She's referring to the steep ones without railings. The ones that I still get nervous on, but no one knows that. "Let's make a bet," she continues. "I bet that only two of your transfers fall down the stairs."

I laugh at her. "Oh Lauren, I couldn't think of anyone better than you to help welcome initiates tonight." We reach the dining hall and my eyes scan the room for Zeke. He's over to the right, his face stuffed with eggs. It looks like he's having an eating contest with Shauna to see how much food they can get in their mouths before they choke (again). I grab a plate and a few pieces of toast. The less food I have on my plate means less of a chance I'll have to join that game.

Shauna coughs when I sit down. She lost. Zeke swallows his food with an audible gulp and they both laugh. I'm grinning at them outwardly. Inside, I can't help but think about the waste of food this is, an image of a hungry factionless man coming to mind. It's just another unwanted memory though, a thought that I shouldn't have anymore. This is Dauntless. I'm allowed to be happy here once in a while, when I can. I take a few bites of toast before I realize the Zeke is staring over my shoulder, his mouth set and his eyes narrowed.

"I thought we got down here early enough to miss that guy," he says.

I look behind me and see Eric filling a plate with food. He doesn't usually get up early enough for breakfast. Zeke was also in our initiation class and can stand Eric about as much as I can. Eric beat him up pretty bad in the first stage of initiation.

I turn my back to Eric, hoping he doesn't notice me and come over here. He likes to try to rub it in my face that he's a leader and isn't second to me anymore. He doesn't know how much I don't care. "He's here so early because of the choosing ceremony. He probably actually has work to do," I say dryly to Zeke, who shrugs his shoulders. Eric really kills the good atmosphere in a room.

"Oh good, he's leaving," Zeke has been watching Eric the whole time. That didn't take long, so I turn quick to see what is going on. Eric left his full plate (another waste of food) and is walking toward a woman in the doorway I have never seen before. She doesn't look like a Dauntless. They leave together.

I stand up to follow them. "I'll catch you guys later," I say, offering no further explanation. This is something different, and it looks like it involves Eric. I get into the hall in time to see Eric and the women turn a corner, so I tread as softly as I can behind them. I follow all the way up to the leaders' office area and watch as the woman goes inside. Eric, however, turns before he enters and sees me. I freeze, trying to think of a reason to be here.

"Four," he sneers at me, light glinting off of his eyebrow rings and reflecting off the walls. "What are you doing here? This isn't a place for you, as I remember you turned down leadership offers. I hope you don't think you're changing your mind," his last sentence is coming off like a threat and a dare. He's getting under my skin. My mouth sets in a tight line as I clench my jaw.

The woman pokes her head out of the room. "Who are you?" She looks like an offended hen, puffed up and wide eyed, as if I were an intruder in her home. She's not even Dauntless, who is _she_?

"This is Four," Eric answers before I can speak. It's a good thing because I can feel my temper flaring, and I don't trust my voice right now. I have to calm down if I'm going to deal with this situation. I remember the fear simulations I went through and take a deep breath through my nose. "He's just an instructor, training the initiates this year."

"Oh," the woman looks at me differently now, with a more calculating expression. It clicks in my head; she's an Erudite. "Maybe you should sit in on this meeting, Four. I'm leaving instructions regarding the initiates. There are certain things that we have to be on the lookout for. You'll be working closely with the initiates, if you're their instructor?"

I nod slowly, getting lost in my thoughts again. My face is tight and my eyes never leave hers. What does someone from Erudite want with Dauntless initiates?

"Come in, then," the woman says sharply to both Eric and me. I walk into the room and stand, leaning against the wall. The woman lowers herself into a large, plush chair that must be for Max usually. She's making herself right at home. Eric takes a seat, propping his feet up on the desk that separates him from the woman.

"My name is Jeanine Matthews," she says to me. So this is Jeanine Matthews, the Erudite who works in the government. She's the one who wrote the article about Marcus being an abusive father. I wonder how many people believe that article; no one from Abnegation, I'm sure. I'm glad she doesn't really know who I am.

"I'm going to be brief," she continues. "We are looking for people called Divergents. They are initiates who received inconclusive results on their aptitude tests. That is the first sign. They do not fit well into any one faction. The second thing to look for is how well they perform during the second stage of initiation. If the fear simulations are too easy for them, they may be Divergent. It is important to find them because they are rebels to the society we have created; they do not belong and I need to be informed so that we can take care of the matter." She looks sternly at Eric, who nods, and then pointedly at me. I'm chewing on my thumbnail, looking her in the eye. "Do you understand?"

No, I don't understand. The only thing I have taken from this is that some people, whose test didn't go as planned, are in danger.

I'm still looking at Jeanine. I need to answer her. "Yes," I say. "Will I be able to tell during the first stage? Are their physical differences between Dauntless and Divergent?" I have to sound interested, like I'm taking her seriously.

"No, divergence is a thing of the mind, it is more in their personalities. It is possible, though very difficult to tell if someone is divergent without using a serum. You may be able to tell, if you get close enough with the transfers, that one or two may not be as Dauntless, but are holding on to their old faction or seem to belong better in another faction."

I nod again, slowly. I hope I look like I'm forming a plan to be on the watch for this. Eric stands. "When will I be able to see the aptitude test results of the initiates?"

"Eric, the choosing ceremony is tonight. You can't see results of people who haven't chosen Dauntless yet. I will have the results sent tomorrow." Jeanine talks down to Eric. It's the one good thing I've seen her do. "That is all I have to say to you today. I will be back to check with Eric in a few weeks. Remember to be diligent about this." She goes to walk out and I move to let her pass.

Eric follows her out before me. "You'll be on the watch, Four. Report to me if you find anything," he says, giving me his dirty work. That's fine, because I'm not going to turn anyone in, even if I do find obvious divergence.

"You got it, Eric," I say to his back as he leaves. I need to be alone. I walk down to the chasm, taking the long way, hoping I don't run into anyone who would want to talk to me. The dark stone hallways are a little too narrow this way, but I keep my focus enough to make it through without feeling my claustrophobia, even though I'm conscious of it the entire time. A memory of the closet tries to sneak its way into my head, but I push it out with new thoughts of divergence.

I reach the chasm and climb down to the bottom of it. It's dark and the rapidly moving water drowns out any sound from above, and I know that no one up there can see or hear me either.

Divergent. It is someone who doesn't fit into any one faction. What was it that Jeanine meant about the simulation serum? If they do much better in the fear simulation, Divergents must be able to fight the serum somehow. I don't think that I fit in any one faction, not at all. I still have thoughts like an Abnegation, but I do so well in Dauntless. I did well during the fear simulations too, but I did well during all of the stages. I never tried to resist the simulation. I wonder if I could. My aptitude test was conclusive: I am Abnegation. I was Abnegation, at least. I know I would not belong in Candor, and it is so hard for me to be nice to others that had I chosen Amity, they might have held a conference and agreed to lock me up away from them. I don't know what I'm worrying about. By Jeanine's standards, I'm not divergent.

I feel restless now. I have to get the pent up frustration from the meeting out of my muscles. I climb out of the chasm and make my way to the training room where I can beat the crap out of an unsuspecting punching bag.

I see the beat up, faded black bag I want, hanging in the back. The punching bags are getting old, and this one is the hardest one left. I swing my fist into it, then my forearm. I spin to plant a kick, grunting with the effort.

"Whoa, Four!" Zeke comes into the room with his younger brother, Uriah. "Kill it!"

I stop fighting the bag, a little out of breath, and let out a laugh. "Hey Uriah, are you nervous for tonight?" He is sixteen, and he has to choose his faction later.

"No, I'm staying in Dauntless," he answers without hesitation.

"Maybe you shouldn't be in the training room, you're getting a bit of an advantage over the others." I raise an eyebrow at him. I wouldn't kick him out of here, though Eric probably would just for the satisfaction of using his authority.

Uriah stands his ground. "It doesn't matter, the others won't be any match for me." He's grinning as he jokingly lunges at me, but I catch his leg and pull him so he falls to the mat. Zeke laughs. The three of us spar with each other for a while; I feel the frustration leaving me as I laugh when Zeke trips me. I get so caught up in my own head that I forget that there are people here who can cheer me up without even trying.

My stomach growls loudly and we laugh. I'm starving; all I've had to eat today was the few bites of toast before I followed Eric.

"I could go to the dining hall again, it's about time for my second lunch," Uriah says with a big smile.

Uriah walks ahead of us, but Zeke stays with me. "What was Eric doing when you followed him this morning?"

What do I say? "That woman he was with was an aptitude test creator. She had to talk to Eric about giving him the results of the tests for the transfers. They…uh… saw me following actually, but they just let me listen." Nope, I was definitely not cut out for Candor. "I thought it was going to be a bit more than that, especially with Eric up so early." I shrug my shoulders.

"Yeah that's a little disappointing," Zeke says. "You had to try though!" He understands the rivalry between Eric and I. I don't really ever have to explain anything to Zeke.

"Well it wasn't anything to miss breakfast for," I laugh as I fill a plate with sandwiches.

I scarf my food and head back to my apartment. I want to look over the initiation schedule that Lauren gave me earlier. It's not very interesting and I end up taking a shower and laying on my bed to stare up at the ceiling. I must doze off, though it doesn't feel like I fell asleep, because all of a sudden there is knocking on my door.

Lauren is outside. "Four, I looked all over for you! The initiates are on their way, we have to get down to welcome them! What have you been doing?" She grabs my arm and pulls me behind her all the way to the net where the initiates will land after jumping off the building above to enter the compound. I remember my first time jumping. I nearly cried, I was so high up. The ground spun below me, bouncing up to my face and back down seven stories like a yo-yo as I stood on the edge of the roof of the building. The wind rushed at my face and I felt like it would carry me over the edge to my death on the sidewalk below. It was my fear landscape even before I knew what my fear landscape was.

I push this memory aside. I'm passed it. I never come into the compound this way, however.

"They're up there! Can you hear them?" Lauren is excited. She's leaning over the net, looking up. "There's someone standing on the edge!" She leans back in and looks to the crowd up Dauntless behind us, waiting in the dark to welcome the initiates home. "Get ready!"

There's a whoosh above us. I don't hear a scream, but someone obviously jumped. There is a thud and a bounce as the first jumper lands in the net. We're all quiet. I hear a laugh coming from in the net. How could anyone laugh after that?

I reach my hand in to help this crazy person out of the net. A tiny white hand grasps mine, and attached to it is a thin arm coming out of a gray tee shirt. Gray? Only Abnegations wear gray. I can't be seeing this clearly. I'm anxious now but I keep my head together as I pull the little person in gray out of the net. She's a very small blond girl. Her eyes are wide and she's breathing a little fast. Do I know this person? Will she recognize me? I raise my eyebrows and look at her.

"Thank you," she says to me.

"Can't believe it!" Lauren walks over to us quickly from around the net. "A stiff, the first to jump? Unheard of!"

I feel a little defensive all of a sudden, though I know Lauren doesn't mean anything. I was a stiff, and she knows that. "There's a reason she left them, Lauren." I turn to the girl. "What's your name?"

She opens her mouth. "Um…" What is her name? Will I know it? Is she thinking of a new name, for a new start? My thoughts are racing. I don't think that I recognize her and I am very glad that she doesn't seem to recognize me. I smile a little.

"Think about it. You don't get to pick again."

"Tris," she says with confidence.

"Tris," Lauren repeats with a smile on her face. "Make the announcement, Four!"

I turn to the crowd. "First jumper- Tris!" I shout and a huge cheer follows it. I put a hand on Tris' back. "Welcome to Dauntless," I tell her.

Tris moves aside as the rest of the initiates jump into the net. The next jumper screams all the way down and I can't help but laugh at her. We all cheer. Once they're all down, Lauren and I lead them through the long, narrow tunnel of a hallway into the compound. It's another reason why I don't usually come in this way. I try not to, but I keep sneaking glances at Tris. She's bringing back so many memories to me of my first day here. These memories are much better ones for me and I welcome the thoughts.

We stop walking at a fork in the tunnel, and as if we coordinated it, Lauren and I turn and face the initiates with our arms crossed and faces stern. The initiates don't all realize we've stopped and are bumping into each other in the dim light. I try not to smile.

"This is where we divide," Laurens says. "The Dauntless-born initiates are with me. I assume you don't need a tour of the place!" She smiles and with a head tilt, beckons the Dauntless-borns to follow her.

I wait until each Dauntless-born initiate is out of sight. I have nine transfers. Tris is the only one from Abnegation, there are none from Amity, and as usual the rest are from Candor and Erudite. As expressionless as I can, I watch the transfers, trying not to let my eyes linger on Tris. She'll get enough attention as it is, being the only stiff.

"Most of the time, I work in the control room," I start. "But for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is Four." I speak clearly and evenly.

"Four? Like the number?" The second girl to jump speaks up. She's from Candor. I remember being in school, and the Candors were the loudest and the hardest to avoid. This girl isn't a Candor anymore.

"Yes, is there a problem?" I ask.

"No."

"Good. We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It-"

"The Pit? Clever name." The girl from Candor giggles. This isn't how we act in Dauntless. I'm not much of a talker anyway, and Candors can spark my temper almost as fast as Eric can sometimes.

I walk up to the girl, and for a moment I just look her in the face. "What's your name?" I finally ask her quietly, my muscles are tight to keep me in control.

"Christina," she says, her voice is a little high now. Good, I'm having the effect I want.

"Well Christina," I say evenly. "If I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction. The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?" I all but spit the words in her face. She nods.

I stand back and look at the transfers. Tris is looking at me warily, but again I don't let my eyes linger on her. I hope this is a lesson to the other ex-Candors. I turn my back to them and push through the double doors that open into the Pit. I stop to give the transfers a chance to take in the area. It's a big cavern with shops built into its stone walls. It's a busy place most of the time. I look over to the steps (without railings) that ascend the walls and watch as Dauntless children run down them. It still makes me nervous. I look around and see Tris watching too; I know how strange this is to her. The chaos here doesn't surprise me anymore, though. I think of how overwhelmed I was for what seemed like the longest time.

"If you follow me," I say loudly. "I'll show you the chasm." I wave them over towards me and walk to the right side of the Pit, toward the chasm. It's very dark over here, a striking contrast to the well-lit Pit.

The transfers slowly walk up to the wet, metal railing that is the only thing keeping them from falling down several stories into solid rock and a fast moving river. It looks little calm if you are on the left side, but if you are on the right, rapids will spray your face with the cold water. I give them a chance to take it in; this is important.

"The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy," I shout, letting my voice cut sharply through the sound of the running water. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned." I let my words sink in.

I turn away from the chasm and the transfers follow me. I lead them through the hole in the wall and into the dining hall. The Dauntless inside stand and cheer for the new initiates. It's a big Dauntless welcome, complete with stamping feet and shouting. I smile.

I am slow to find a seat. I watch my transfers as the grab food and move towards a mostly empty table. I see a seat open next to Tris and Christina and I let my curiosity get the best of me. I sit next to Tris in time to see her poking at her hamburger patty. I laugh to myself.

"It's beef," I say, gently elbowing her. "Put this on it." I slide a dish of ketchup over to her. She looks so baffled by all of this, as I was. My first meal here was a pizza, and I hadn't even seen one before.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina is surprised, her eyes widen.

"No," Tris answers. "Is that what it's called?"

"Stiff's eat plain food," I explain, coming to Tris' defense. Abnegation doesn't waste food, they eat simple and give what they can to the factionless. I'm not sure why I feel like defending Tris or Abnegation, though.

"Why?" I hope Christina can break her question-asking habit quickly.

Tris shrugs. "Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary." She basically recites this from Abnegation doctrine. I remember learning this phrase well.

"No wonder you left, Christina says with a smirk.

"Yeah, it was just because of the food," Tris responds. I have to hide a grin. I wasn't expecting sarcasm from anyone from Abnegation. Tris has caught me off guard twice tonight. Once, being the first jumper, and now with a personality so different from those in Abnegation.

A door opens and the room suddenly quiets. Eric must have walked in. I don't turn to look at him; I don't want to talk to him.

"Who's that?" Christina hisses.

"His name is Eric," I say quietly. "He's a Dauntless leader." I wish I could explain who he really was to warn them, but they'll learn soon enough, if they haven't already.

"Seriously? But he's so young." Nothing gets by Christina.

I look at her. "Age doesn't matter here." Rank does. Power does. I know it wasn't always that way, but with Eric as a leader, it will be. How strong can my transfers grow to be?

Tris' eyes must be following Eric, and I can see when they widen that he is coming over to our table. Sure enough, he drops himself into the seat next to me. I stiffen, still not looking at him.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" Eric asks, nodding to Tris and Christina.

I look at the girls. "This is Tris and Christina," I say flatly, using as few words as I can somewhat dismissively. Eric won't leave though, I know that much.

"Ooh a stiff!" He looks at Tris, smiling so that the skin around his lip rings stretch. It's gross. He taps his scabbed knuckles on the table. "We'll see how long you last."

Tris says nothing and I want to remind him that I was a stiff. I know a certain right hook that would help his jog memory.

Eric looks at me. "What have you been doing lately, Four?"

"Nothing, really," I say evasively with a shrug. My fingers tense and I put my fists under the table. Everyone's eyes are on me. Tris looks back and forth from me to Eric. I lock my jaw.

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up. He requested that I find out what's going on with you." Sometime between this morning when I saw Eric and now, Max must have tried to get Eric to persuade me to take a leadership position. Eric wouldn't do that, though.

Max found me yesterday, I think to myself. I remember all the other messages he left for me that I never responded to. I don't plan on it. I look at Eric for a few seconds.

"Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold," I say.

"So he wants to give you a job," Eric says conversationally. Yes, Max wants the initiate who placed first to be in a leadership role. Eric knows this…

"So it would seem."

"And you aren't interested." He says this as a statement, not a question.

"I haven't been interested for two years." That's why you were given a position, Eric. I feel like this conversation is being staged, that Eric is just pointing out to the transfers that he has the authority, and I don't.

"Well," Erics says with a smile. "Let's hope he gets the point then." He clasps my shoulder as he leaves. I can't relax. I breath through my nose to clear my head.

"Are you two friends?" Tris is looking at me.

I'm surprised Christina didn't pipe up with the questions. "We were in the same initiation class. He transferred from Erudite." Something clicks in my head. Jeanine was from Erudite, that's why she was meeting with Eric. Ah. I tense up all over again thinking about that meeting.

"Were you a transfer too?" What are you doing, Tris? I don't like talking about myself, and I don't like talking about Eric. My muscles are tight and Eric has put my mind into a foul mood, as he usually does.

My voice is cold when I answer her. "I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions. Now I've got stiffs too?" It's a weird word in my mouth, stiff.

"It must be because you're so approachable. You know, like a bed of nails," she says to me.

I don't move. My eyebrows lower and I just stare at her coldly. She isn't looking away, which I didn't expect. This is the third time she has surprised me tonight. I can hold this out longer but she starts to blush. She's out of her element, and I've made this mine. "Careful, Tris," is all I say to her.

"Four!" Zeke calls me from across the room. I get out without another word and walk over there.

"I saw Eric with you a minute ago," Zeke says. Shauna shakes her head. No one likes Eric around. I nod to Zeke and take a seat next to him.

"I grabbed you some cake," Shauna says, pushing a plate with a big delicious piece of chocolate cake on it. I'm not hungry anymore, but I eat a few bites to not hurt her feelings. My friends' banter and laughing is helping me take my mind off Eric and I'm relaxing. I'm not feeling the conversation though, so I leave earlier than usual and go back to my apartment.

I reflect on the events of the day. The meeting with Jeanine, Eric asserting his authority at every opportunity, and the transfer from Abnegation are on my mind. I think about Tris. I'm curious. She's so small, and she definitely looks the weakest. I wonder if I seemed that way at first, too. I have a good feeling about her, though.


	3. Chapter 3

The belt lands on my wrist, leaving a welt with a thin line in the middle. Blood begins to trickle. I look up, my eyes are wide and though I wish it weren't, my face is pleading, begging him to not hit me again. He winds up and the belt hits me on the shoulder, over my gray shirt, which acts like a buffer. It isn't enough though because I still feel the sting. I turn away and I'm somehow pressed up against the window looking into the front yard. I can't move away from it and I can feel the belt, I'm being hit enough that it's cutting through my shirt to get to the skin on my back. My eyes search outside for help and they are met with a light blue stare. A small, blond girl stands outside my window. She looks as confused as I feel. She presses her hand to the glass of the window and tilts her head. The belt hits my back.

I wake with a start, sweating. I can feel a phantom sting from the belt on my back, but it's not real. Thank God it's not real. Tris has never seen me beaten by Marcus. She doesn't recognize me and I don't know her. It must be because she's from Abnegation that all this is coming back to me, all these memories, good and bad, come out of my past.

The clock tells me that it's almost two-thirty in the morning. I'm wide-awake with no chance of sleeping again. I get up and walk down to the training room. In a few hours, I'll be teaching the transfers how to shoot guns. An image of Tris holding a gun comes to mind and I smile. This will be awkward for her. Guns are never seen, and rarely discussed, in Abnegation. I was terrified the first time I held one. I remember it clearly. Max handed me the silver weapon and stood behind me while I loaded it and aimed. I held it away from my body, and pointed at the target. I braced my arms, knowing there would be a backlash from the shot from when I saw Max demonstrate. I exhaled through my mouth as I pulled the trigger for the first time and… it hit the target! I was so relieved when Max patted my shoulder and walked away from me. It was a good start.

I know that probably won't be the case with Tris in the morning and I chuckle a little to myself. Most of my transfers probably won't hit the target that fast. I start to arrange the targets so everything is set up before the transfers arrive. It doesn't take me long enough. I have a lot of night to go and I'm still restless. I walk over and take a gun down from the shelf against the wall, load it, and put the bullet in place with a click. I barely aim, my muscles just know where to point the weapon now, and I fire. The bullet hits the red center of the target, just like I knew it would.

I set the gun down and decide to head to the control room. I walk through a hole in the wall on the far side of the training room and down another narrow tunnel. I keep my hands on the walls that are on either side of me to make sure they don't close in. The tunnel takes me to the Pit where I take the steps two at a time and go into the glass control room. It's empty, like I had hoped. I take my normal seat and click on the computer. While it boots up, I stare out through the one-way glass at the drinking fountain. It has a blue light above it that slightly illuminates the dark room below me. I can kind of hear the water in the chasm. I like that sound.

The computer screen lights up and I click open the security drive. I dabble around, watch some monitors around the gates at the border of the city, but I'm getting a little bored. It's a good thing, maybe I'll doze for a little bit. It's calming and quiet and I can see that I'm safe. It's part of the reason I like this job. I open up a file containing all the passwords to the city and the codes that open the gates. I want to check to see if these changed at all; I like to know how to open everything, just in case. I don't ever want to be trapped again, locked in from the outside.

I notice a new file towards the bottom of the screen. I click it open, but it requires a password. Hmmm. What could be the password? The Dauntless are not usually very creative when it comes to things like this. Why do we need to be? It takes me a good twenty minutes, but I'm absorbed. This is the kind of thing I like to do. I crack the code and the file opens. Whoa… I'm confused. This looks like a war plan. There's a blueprint of the city that appears with soldier simulations placed on certain streets. I only see partial commands, though. I don't think they are finished. Most of the streets look like those in Abnegation. There must be other files with the other factions' neighborhoods. These have to be backup plans, or methods to protect the city in case of an attack. Where would an attack come from though? I keep clicking to open other files but I don't understand what I'm seeing. They don't look like defense plans. It must be hypothetical. Dauntless protects the city; it doesn't attack it.

I sit back in the chair, still looking at the plans in front of me. There's a movement out of the corner of my eye; someone is at the drinking fountain. I look at the clock, and it's six in the morning. Early risers are starting to get up. I close out of everything, resetting the passwords that I opened and I shut down the system. I'm just going to have to get all that out of my head somehow. I have to focus on the transfers today; it's important that I get to know them all, not just for the rankings that I'll have to put them in, but also to know which ones I'm not going to report to Eric.

I stop in the dining hall to grab a blueberry muffin before I head to the training room. There isn't anyone I'm friends with eating right now, which doesn't surprise me. It's still early in the morning. I sit alone and chew my muffin slowly, still thinking about those war plans. Were they war plans? I can honestly say that there is no one I want to go to war against, not even Marcus.

"Shooting today?" Lauren pops her head into the training room, pulling me out of my thoughts. I jumped at the sudden sound o her voice.

"Yeah, and I'll show them some fighting techniques in the afternoon," I say.

"We're just going to start fighting each other today, right off the bat. I figure I can put a little fear into my Dauntless-borns." She looks around the room before her eyes meet mine. "Four, how early did you get here to set all this up?" She knows I didn't sleep.

I shrug. "Early enough."

"You're either very dedicated to this instructor job or you're brooding again. I'm willing to bet on the latter. Go easy on yourself. Do you need some sleeping pills?"

"No Lauren, I'm just anxious to get this training started. Having Eric monitoring all of this doesn't exactly help me out, either." I'm not exactly lying. I'm just omitting some parts… parts that are actually on my mind.

"Right. He's looking in on me, too. Good luck today, let me know how these transfers do so I know how hard to work my initiates," she says with a wink.

I grin. "May the best instructor win."

Minutes after Lauren leaves, my initiates trickle into the room. I stand and walk over to them. "The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun." I glance at Tris to see her reaction to the word "gun." She looks tired and stares wide-eyed at the guns. I press the weapon into her hand and it even looks strange to me, seeing that silver glint at the end of her thin, white arm. "Thankfully," I continue, "if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to show you that." I walk down the line, handing out guns to the rest of the initiates as I talk. "Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighted equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult to drastically improve your rank over time."

I walk a few steps away from the initiates as they process what I have just told them. They look so tired this morning and the last thing I want to do is repeat myself. If they can't pay attention, then they shouldn't be here. I pick up my gun.

"We believe preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear. Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third primarily mental."

"But what…" I am interrupted by a transfer from Candor, who yawns through his question. "What does firing a gun have to do with bravery?"

I step forward and without hesitation, press my gun to the boy's head and click a bullet into place. He freezes, mid-yawn. That's satisfying.

"Wake. Up." I say to him evenly. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." I wait for a moment before lowering my gun. His cheeks turn red and his eyes are wide, but he looks at me coldly. "And to answer your question," I start pacing in front of the group, "you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself. This is also information you may need later in stage one, so watch me."

I turn away from the group and face the targets. My feet part, which happens naturally now, and bring my arms up with ease to aim at my target. I exhale and pull the trigger. My bullet goes through the middle of the target, as it did early this morning when I shot, as it does every time I shoot. I look back to the initiates. They are staring at my target. Tris has to crane her neck and peek around the others to see because she is so small, there's something endearing about it. I hope she can get through initiation.

I sit back as the initiates turn to their targets. Guns are self-serving. What would I do if it ever came down to me and another human, each with guns? To shoot would take a lot of bravery, but it would mean I was saving myself, the most selfish thing I can think of. Not shooting takes bravery and selflessness, but does it make me a coward? It doesn't make sense, that a weapon could mean both bravery and cowardice, the two qualities most valued and most despised by Dauntless. Which is it?

The transfers are struggling with this. Only a few of them have hit their targets. A tall, fast looking boy who came from Erudite is actually getting close to hitting the center of his target.

"What's your name?" I ask walking up to him. He looks at me, a little surprised and nervous.

"Edward," he answers.

"You're doing well," I say, and I walk on to the next initiate. I'm trying to learn their names. Another Erudite transfer, Will, is also shooting fairly well. Same with Peter, the Candor I pointed my gun at earlier. My gaze keeps turning to Tris and I have to chuckle, because she can't possible know where her bullet goes each time she pulls the trigger. The only ones doing worse than Tris right now are Al and Myra. I lean back against the wall behind the transfers so I can observe better. Will leans in to say something to Tris, she doesn't look very impressed with him though. Her next shot hits the edge of the target. Finally. The corners of my mouth turn up. It takes her at least five more rounds until she hits the center of the target.

We break for lunch. I take a seat next to Lauren and tilt my head toward the table where the Dauntless-born initiates sit. "How is all that fighting?"

"Ha! Some are tougher than I thought. Some are… Well I don't know how some of them were raised in Dauntless. Uriah's great, same with Lynn and Marlene. But some of the others should have transferred to Amity." She shakes her head.

I laugh. "Our shooting went well. A few targets actually got some bullets in them, and no transfers were shot in the process."

More people take seats at the table with us and I tune them out. I take a bite out of my sandwich and look towards the table where Tris sits with Christina, Will, and Al. She's blushing, I can see the color in her cheeks from here. And how small her hands are around her fork…

"Earth to Four? What are you looking at?" Lauren has been trying to talk to me. What _am_ I looking at? Tris, really?

"What?" I say, turning to face Lauren.

"Are you looking at the Stiff?" She asks with a wink. "Is she as good as you were?"

"If that's what you want to call it, sure." I shrug and answer evasively. I'm feeling defensive even though I _have_ been watching Tris all morning; Lauren caught me. "I'll catch up with you later," I say getting up and going back to our training room.

I have to think. I want my transfers to do well, but I have to admit… I want Tris to do better than the others. For whatever reason, and there is more than one reason, she's caught my attention. How far will the first jumper from Abnegation be able to go?

The transfers come into the training room, filling the space with chatter. I silence them with a glare. It's handy, having that kind of effect on them. Without a word, I lead them through a set of doors and into the room with the punching bags. They line up against the wall and I stand in the middle of the room, next to one of the black bags.

"As I said this morning, next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges- which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless."

I pause and look each of the transfers in the eye. I want them to take this seriously because a large part of their rankings is based on their fighting skills. "We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other. So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt." Even some who do learn fast will get hurt, but I don't feel like I need to say that.

I show them a few basic punches and kicks in the air so they can see how I'm holding my body. Then I do the same but against the punching bag to show what the impact of hitting something looks like. I walk around the room to observe everyone. I stop in front of Tris as she hits the bag. I take this moment to look her over; she really is small. What could I use to fight if I didn't have the strength that I do? Low muscle mass means more bone is exposed, and I would use any sharp points I could to jab an opponent.

"You don't have much muscle," I tell her finally. "Which means you're better off using your knees and elbows, you can put more power behind them." Oh, another weak spot she'd have is her gut. A hit there would knock the wind out of her for sure. I step forward without thinking and press my hand to her stomach; I can feel her ribs and my breath catches. "Never forget to keep tension here," I say quietly.

I quickly walk away from her and move on to Myra, then Will, then Drew… I don't need everyone catching on, like Lauren did at lunch. I notice, in my rounds of the room, that Edward seems to really be getting this down. His jabs are sharp and his kicks are fast. He was good at shooting earlier too. I have to start thinking of who I'm going to match up for the fights, and it looks like Edward might be the best of the bunch so far.

I dismiss the group for dinner, but I stay behind and put everything away. The guns have to be put back on their shelves, and I need to roll all the targets back into the storage room. The activity helps me unwind. I didn't have a very stressful day, and I managed to make it through without seeing Eric or Max. I would call that a success.


	4. Chapter 4

Waking before my alarm goes off, I am surprised that I made it through the night dream-free. That's a rarity. I lie there in bed, enjoying the warmth for a few minutes. My initiates have to fight each other today, what the pairings be? I should have thought about this last night instead of at the last possible minute. I get up and pull a black tee shirt over my head. Edward was definitely the best yesterday, followed by Peter, Al, and Will. I brush my teeth and glance at my face in the mirror. As for the girls, Molly and Christina seem to be the strongest, while Tris and Myra are the weakest. And I would say Drew isn't terrible, but he's not one of the stronger guys.

I head to the training room and stand in front of the chalkboard. I think I'll put Al against Will first, and I write their names up on the board next to each other. Now… Christina and Molly would be a good match for today. Then I'll put Drew against Peter. I think Peter will win, hands down, but I want to see his technique. I'll save putting him against Edward for another day- that will probably be the best match up anyway. Now I'm left with Edward, Myra, and Tris. I don't want to match Myra or Tris with anyone, even each other, but I end up putting Myra with Edward. It's not ideal, because he could smoke her, but I think he'll go easy on her because it seems like they're a couple. So he'd go easier on Myra than he would on Tris. Tris gets a break today; I'm satisfied with that.

"Who's fighting today?" I turn around to see Eric strolling in towards me. "I'll be watching for the next couple of days," he says with a sly grin on his face. He's gotten a second lip ring, I notice because he can't seem to stop messing with it.

"See for yourself," I say. I step aside. He can read.

He takes a moment before he turns back to me. "I like that. There's a big guy versus a skinny kid for the first one, followed by a chick fight? Good work. I really like the strong kid against the little weak girl. I would have done the same. The two small girls fighting each other would have been a boring match." I cringe on the inside thinking that I chose a match up that Eric likes. Poor Myra. I'll have to give her an easier match later on.

I look Eric in the eye and give him a nod. I thought I was being as fair as I could when making the pairings, but Eric is making me question that. The initiates start coming into the room, and I look over to them. Eric leans against the back wall with his arms crossed.

"Since there are an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today," I begin, glancing at Tris as I step away from the board so everyone can see the pairings. Her face relaxes. I realize she must have been very apprehensive about fighting today. They all must have lost sleep over it. I'm slow to catch on to others' feelings. Luckily that isn't really a skill Dauntless requires from me.

Will and Al look at each other. Will shrugs and walks into the middle of the arena and Al follows slowly. They begin circling each other; Will puts his arms up by his face in the way I demonstrated yesterday for protection. I'm wondering how well this choice was- Al is much taller than Will, and he must be twice as strong. Will looks fast though, and I know from experience how much speed can matter.

Al makes the first move, punching Will in the jaw. I stifle a grimace; that was a hard hit, especially for just having learned how to throw a punch the day before. Al keeps going to punch Will, who is able to block the hits. Eric is smirking at Al, but it fades and he raises an eyebrow as Will kicks Al's legs out from under him. Al gets up quickly and the boys face each other, then look at me with confused expressions. They both look all right to me, so they should keep fighting. I keep my face expressionless as I look back at them.

"Do you think this is leisure activity?" Eric asks, checking his watch. "Should we break for nap time? Fight each other!"

"But…" Al straightens. "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"

"It ends when one of you is unable to continue," Eric says.

That's not right. My eyebrows knit together. "According to Dauntless rules, one of you could also concede," I say, looking at Eric.

Eric's eyes narrow at me. I shouldn't have said anything, but Eric is turning this part of initiation into one of his own games. This isn't for his entertainment; it's to teach the initiates how to protect themselves, and to guard others.

"According to the _old_ rules," he says to me slowly, as though I am a child who doesn't understand him. "In the _new_ rules, no one concedes."

I'm starting to see red, but I keep it to myself. He only came here to assert his authority over me in front of the initiates. He's that insecure in his position.

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," I say evenly.

"A brave man never surrenders." We maintain eye contact. I know I could beat Eric, if it came down to it. He knows it too, that's why he's here today. I don't have to look away.

"This is ridiculous," Al says, and Eric looks at him. "What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same faction!"

"Oh, you think it's going to be that easy? Go on, try to hit me, slowpoke!" Will says with a new look of determination on his face.

Will starts to move fast, dodging Al's punches like I knew he could. I like speed. It frustrates Al enough, though, that he rears up and charges Will, knocking him out cold. I look at the floor. Will needs more practice, but he definitely is getting the right idea. His strength is going to be speed; he needs to learn how to use it.

The initiates are quiet, and Al kneels next to Will and taps his cheek. "Get him up," Eric says, his lips curl into a sick smile. Like I said, this is only for his entertainment.

As Al pulls Will up off the mat, I circle his name on the chalkboard. I walk over to Will and drape his arm over my shoulders. I wrap one of my arms around his waist and help him out of the room. The last thing I hear is Eric announcing that Molly and Christina are up to fight. I am somewhat uneasy about leaving the initiates alone with Eric, but I am comforted by the fact that with me gone, Eric won't feel pressured to make them do anything I wouldn't agree with. At least, I hope not.

It is a slow walk to the infirmary. I think about how glad I am that I didn't put Tris in a pairing today. I would rather not be absent for her fight, especially if Eric is watching. I think tomorrow I'm going to match her against Myra; it would be a good start. I wonder how I'm going to progress her. She'll need the most help with the physical stage; everyone is pretty equal when it comes to the fear simulations, and there isn't much I can do to help her during that anyway.

The door to the infirmary is open and the nurse's jaw drops when she sees Will and I coming. She rushes at me.

"Initiation is rough this year…" She says slowly as she helps Will to a cot. I look at him. I guess I didn't realize how bad he looked; Al really beat on him. I know he'll heal, so I don't feel sorry for him. I shrug at the nurse, who looks at me with a slightly disapproving expression. Sympathy doesn't just come to me. No one has ever felt that way for me, so I don't even know what to do to express it.

I walk back to the arena, expecting to have to ferry another loser to the infirmary. I should have introduced myself to the nurse, because she's really going to get to know me in the next few days.

I open the door and stop mid-step. Oh no. There is no one here. I see blood on the mat, but that's normal. What has Eric done?

I start searching. I go through the training room. No one is there. There isn't anyone using the punching bags, either. There are people in the dining hall, but none of them are my initiates. I reach the Pit, and suddenly I know where everyone is.

I turn the corner towards the chasm and I see the initiates crowded around something at the railing. Eric's back is to me. The crowd parts and Al is carrying Christina, with Tris close behind. I feel relief flood through me. It would be my luck that Eric would throw her down the chasm. Al sets Christina down and they, along with Will and Tris just leave. Molly looks smug; she clearly won the fight earlier. I don't pay attention to the others.

"Eric, what was this?" I say quietly after the initiates go into the Pit.

He narrows his eyes at me, and he doesn't answer me right away. He steps up to me, close enough that he's in my space. "This is what people who try to concede have to face. This is for cowards who don't want to fight." He says calmly. I can't answer right away; I'm speechless. He uses my moment of silence to walk away in a swift motion. I don't even have time to push him over the railing, which is what I start imagining myself doing. He hung Christina over the railing, over the chasm? Could I report this? I thought that without my presence in the arena would help settle Eric down, but I realize now that it has much less to do with me than I thought. This is Eric, and this is the new Dauntless. It is a new group of ruthless and sadistic bullies. I can't be like that. The initiates have to be tough, yes. They have to know how to fight and be brave. I understand that. I can't torture them, though. I don't sympathize with them, and I don't pity them. They will never get that kind of comfort from me; they have to take care of themselves, individually and as a group in camaraderie. My goal is that eventually, they are able to comfort themselves with the knowledge and preparation I give them through this training. Hanging over the chasm will teach them nothing constructive and will only harden them further to each other and the faction. Eric has no idea what we should stand for.

If I don't get out of here soon I'll rip the railing clear out of the rock. I tear through the narrow tunnel, too mad to even think about the close space, and hit up the punching bags, literally.

It's Lauren who finds me. She looks irate as well, with the same idea as I had. She hits the bag next to mine so hard that it swings into me, and these bags are not light.

"Eric was at our fights this afternoon, after he oversaw yours. He made Uriah nearly kill David. I don't know who was more shaken up over that, Uriah, David, or me. I tried to call the fight over when David went down but Eric wanted it to keep going. Uriah literally had to keep beating David while he was already down and out." She says as she hits the bag again. "I figured you'd be here cooling off, and I thought I'd join you so we can commiserate."

"He hung one of my initiates over the chasm for conceding in a fight."

"That seems a little extreme, even by new Dauntless standards. I didn't know we were allowed to murder initiates now," Lauren responds. "That will surely come in handy." She pauses to look at me meaningfully. "What happened to that guy? He was okay when we all first got here. Did Max train Eric to be a psycho?"

"I don't know. He must have always had it in him; he doesn't fit in any other faction. I'd just think Dauntless would have had enough discipline to deal with torturers." We punch and kick in silence for a while, letting all this emotion flow through our straining muscles into the unfeeling toughness of the bags.

I sleep on and off during the night, but I keep thinking of myself falling into the chasm. It's too high for me to stand by the ledge, and in my mind there is no railing. I'd rather walking to the bottom of the chasm, not fall to it.

I end up going to the control room around four in the morning. I check the codes to the gates; they changed. I memorize the new digits. I really came down here to look at the war plans. Thinking about Eric and the new Dauntless is making me wonder. I'm starting to think that these plans are actual attack plans, though I can't fathom what Dauntless could be attacking, nor how the leaders could even convince enough Dauntless to even fight.

We are obsessed with power. Well, not all of us, but it's human nature a lot of the time. That's why Dauntless does not lead the government. Abnegation does, so these plans could only be for an attack there. But who could actually attack Abnegation? Other factions are not nice or considerate to people from Abnegation, but that is not the same as conspiring against probably the most defenseless faction that exists. They don't have anything that people need, not like Amity with the farms, Erudite with medicine and knowledge, or even Candor, the faction that essentially just lives off of everyone else's work and could be resented enough to be attacked. Nothing makes sense to me. I pull the plans up again, but nothing has changed.

It's about seven in the morning now, and I decide to go write up the pairings for the fights today. Tris has to fight. I think I'll put her with Myra, mostly because I don't want her to get hurt. If she were to be punished like Christina was yesterday, I may just snap. Plus, Myra had a hard match, I think she should get a break. If I match people evenly with others that are about the same level, I think they will learn to fight better. Weak fighters won't learn very much from more advanced fighters yet. A) They'll be too scared, and B) the fight will end so fast there won't be time to figure out proper defense and offense. Today could be a good day to match Peter with Edward. That fight might be good enough to satisfy Eric.

I step into the arena and close the door behind me. All I see is Eric's back. He's facing the chalkboard. My stomach turns. I swallow and breathe through my nose as I walk up to the board.

"I thought I'd make the pairings today," he says without even turning around.

My heart drops like a rock to my feet, and I feel it beating it's way back up hard. My fists clench. Tris' name is next to Peter's. Do. Not. Hit. Eric. Yet.

"Does this look okay to you?" He asks innocently, turning to face me. I keep my face even and expressionless. I don't want him to know how he's affected me.

"It's fine," I say, reading the rest of the match ups. Peter and Tris, Will and Christina, Drew and Al, Edward and Molly. Myra has a break. I'm surprised she's not fighting Drew or someone else who would obliterate her. One unfair fight is good enough for Eric, today.

I take a seat by the wall and rub my temples. Eric gives me a smug smile. He knows just how crazy this is making me, but I have to keep myself under control anyway. I set my jaw and look up as the initiates file in.

Christina sees it first. An angry expression comes over her face as she points out the match to Tris, whose eyes widen. Her face turns red. I see her turn to look at Peter. I mentally size him up. He is at least a foot taller than Tris. He's strong, but he's not slow. I look at Tris again. She's short. She doesn't have much muscle; all she has is speed. I don't think she knows that, though. I didn't get the chance to teach her.

I rub my temples again. The fights begin, and Edward beats Molly so fast I barely even see it. Tris walks out into the middle of the arena. My whole face tightens as I purse my lips and lower my eyebrows. I have to stand; I feel too restless. I walk over to the wall near the door. My body wants to do this fight in her place, very badly.

"You okay there, Stiff?" Peter smiles at Tris. "You look like you're about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry."

I'd knock him out so fast he wouldn't have time to cry. I cross my arms. My stomach is turning.

"Come on Stiff," Peter continues. "Just one little tear, and maybe some begging."

What is this? Why is he treating her like this? It's disgusting that he wants a member of his own faction to cry and beg. This is a sick reflection of humanity.

Tris moves. I wince because I know it won't work as soon as she does it. She tries to kick Peter, but she broadcasted the move and Peter caught her foot, slamming her to the ground. She gets up fast, though. Good, Tris. Stay up.

"Stop playing with her," Eric says. "I don't have all day."

Peter lashes out quickly, hitting Tris in the jaw. My hand goes to my own jaw. My blood is boiling; I could punch Peter's jaw clear off.

Through all of Peter's attacks, Tris manages to mostly stay up on her feet. I have no idea where she is getting the strength and determination to do that. Her bravery in this situation is what Dauntless should be.

Tris somehow gets at hit on Peter, but it doesn't phase him. He claps his hands over her ears and I can almost feel it myself. My own head spins with rage and adrenaline and the blood I can hear pumping hard through my body. I can't watch this anymore. I turn and throw myself out the door.

I don't know what made me do that, but I just had to get out of the room. My head hurts from the tension in my muscles; my jaw is so tight. I lean against the wall next to the door and run my hand through my hair, taking a deep breath to try to relax. _What_ is my problem?

I start pacing. My whole body is on edge. I could have punched Eric in the back of the head, could have knocked him to the ground and added new tread marks from my shoe to his face. My fists clench thinking about it.

What are we trying to prove? My thoughts are racing. The rationale behind that fight… there isn't any! A very strong fighter against a weak one, who hasn't even had a chance to fight yet, isn't right. No, wait. It _could_ be right, because all of the initiates have to know how to fight, and fights in Dauntless will rarely be fair. But today, in this way, for Eric's pleasure, it isn't brave at all. The only purpose this fight could have possibly served was to beat up on a small initiate. _Or get to me._ Regardless, it's irresponsible and cowardly. Peter had nothing to overcome, he just had to be a bully in order to win, while Tris… Tris!

I stop pacing, my eyes widening as I realize I have just done the most irresponsible, cowardly thing I have ever done in my life. I hit the stone wall with my fist. How could I have left the room like that? Tris stood there in front of Peter, knowing that the odds weren't in her favor, and experienced that beating while I couldn't even stay in the room.

I run back to the door to the arena. How long have I been out here? How badly did that fight end? I am so angry with myself for the fact that I even have to wonder. I should have stayed.

I open the door and take a step inside. I don't see Tris anywhere. There is blood all over the mat. Christina is lying motionless. Will is standing with his fists clenched, breathing hard and looking at Eric with cold eyes. Eric nods, agreeing that their fight is over. Will bends down and peels Christina up off the mat. She's coming to, but it looks like she'll have a nice black eye.

Peter is lounging back on the floor, leaning against the wall and looking amused. He is starting to remind me of Eric, because he likes to watch this and he is good at being a tormenter. In his face, I see all the kids from school, the ones who were unkind only because I was Abnegation. I start towards him, but quickly force myself to stay put. I don't know what I'll do to his face if he is ever within an arm's reach. I take a deep breath through my nose to try to calm down.

Standing with my arms crossed and my face hard, I'm not even watching the fights anymore. Eric is smiling, but there is a dangerous glint in his eye. He's disgusting. Nothing he does is brave and his insecurities just make him crazy and ruthless; I'm surprised he ranked second in our class, because he doesn't seem like he has ever conquered his fears. He's unbelievable.

The fights end and Eric walks into the middle of the room. "Tomorrow we're taking a trip. You will meet at the trains at 8:15." He turns on his heel and gives me a grin. On his way out he clasps my shoulder. "Good fighting day, eh Four?" He says with a wink. He's taunting me again, he put Tris against Peter because we're both Abnegation. Some things never change. I keep my face expressionless.

"I thought some of the fights were a bit boring," I say quietly.

"So that's why you took off earlier? Ha!" Eric gives my shoulder a shove and walks out. If he's going to the dining hall, then that's the last place I am going.

I wind up at the bottom of the chasm, alone. I had to go somewhere no one would come looking for me. Tris' face flickers in my mind. I close my eyes and lean against the rough, damp wall of the chasm and take a deep breath. She was brave today. I'm sure she's brave every day. I thought I was brave, but I slipped up. I can't have this happen again. Why couldn't I stay? Right from the start, my stomach turned and my lungs shook and my face tightened when I saw Tris' name against Peter's. It was a similar feeling to the one I get in one of my fear landscapes, the one where I have to shoot an innocent person. It felt like dread, and I could fell it simmering in my muscles. I didn't want Tris to fight. I wince now, just remembering. Why is she having this effect on me?

This reaction I am having has to be from more than the fact that Tris is also from Abnegation. That alone is not a good enough reason for me to be this worked up. Her fight today felt like an attack on the innocent, which is one of my greatest fears, and that would contribute. But also… I try to remain impartial but I think about Tris the most out of all the initiates (maybe even out of everyone). I like her smile and her dry humor. I like that she's here despite her size and original faction. I think that I just like her. And I know that I can never leave her alone again, like I did today. This won't happen again.

I stand up. I have to do something because I can't just leave all this pent up emotion from the day stay in me. I climb out of the chasm and go straight to the training room where I reacquaint myself with my favorite punching bag. The tough fabric stings my hands where I hit it. I alternate picturing Peter, Eric, and my father on the bag.

I don't know how long I spend hitting and kicking the bag, but Zeke eventually finds me, red-faced and covered in sweat.

"I take it you spent the day with Eric," he says to me. I nod. "Let's grab some food," he suggests.

I follow his lead. "Eric made the pairings for our fights today. They were awful." I feel like confiding in someone. This just has to get off my chest and the physical exertion apparently wasn't enough. "He put Tris, the little Stiff, against Peter, my second best fight in the class."

Zeke's eyebrows rise. "Not because the Stiff was scary, right?" I shake my head. "What an ass. Eric just made a pointless fight for the fun of it? I mean, I can't say it surprises me, but the little Stiff's got to be in rough shape for no good reason."

My jaw clenches. "I assume so. I left the room. Only a sadist would want to watch that fight." I don't even know how Tris is doing.

"You left?" This surprises Zeke. It's out of character for me. I'm not keeping track of my initiates. I don't think he's worked out how complicated things are for me regarding Tris, though.

"I know," I say, giving him a meaningful look. "Let's take the long way to the dining hall so I can look in the infirmary."

We take a narrow tunnel and I walk briskly through it, glad that it widens as we go this way. I hate going through it towards the training room, because it narrows. The door to the infirmary is closed and I open it slowly so as to be quiet for anyone resting inside. I glance around and my eyes finally find Tris towards the back of the room. She's sleeping. Her face is already starting to bruise and I can see that it's pretty swollen. I am relieved though. She's still here, which means her beating didn't cause serious enough damage for her to be taken to the city hospital.

"It looks like the Stiff is the only one of my initiates still in there." I say, shutting the door. Zeke and I continue walking to the dining hall. "That's a good sign, I think."

"She didn't look as bad as I expected," Zeke says. I lift a shoulder and clench my fists again. All the same, I don't like it.

It's late and there are barely any people in the dining hall. It feels good to have Zeke's company though and I'm glad he came to find me. I still might not sleep tonight, but I've calmed down enough that I can't feel the blood pounding in my ears anymore.

I start eating some pasta and Zeke sits next to me. His mouth turns up into a mischievous grin and he pulls a flask out of his pocket and shakes it in front of my face.

The corners of my mouth turn up. "Oh so that's why you came looking for me, huh?"

"It's whiskey… your favorite after-dark buddy! Well, your favorite after me, of course. I'm the best." He playfully elbows me and I slurp a noodle. It looks like I may sleep be able to sleep after all tonight. Leave it to Zeke to come to the rescue.


	5. Chapter 5

Zeke and I drink too much and too long. It feels good to forget what's going on. I can be my eighteen-year old self, hanging out with a good friend. Zeke can cheer me up quickly.

My head spins. I lean back in my chair and balance on the back two legs, watching the few people straggle out of the dining hall. Eventually Zeke's head rests comfortably on his arms that are folded on the table. Tris' face swims into my head and I get an urge to go find her. I feel like spending time with her. I like her blues eyes. She's so short it's funny. I laugh a little to myself.

Wow. I must have had more whiskey than I thought. My fingers and lips are feeling numb and my vision is fuzzy. Fuzzy, like the kind-of mustache one of my initiates, Molly, has on her upper lip. I laugh again. That could be a decent fighting match: Pretty Tris versus Ugly Molly. I guess I'll have to teach Tris to fight better before I set that up.

I lean back too far in my chair and it tips me over onto the floor. I land on my back with a loud bang and just stare up at the ceiling. Zeke leans over and blocks my view of the fluorescent light with his head.

"Too much?" He asks. I nod. "Cool," he says as he lays his head back down onto his arms. I right my chair and do the same. We sleep sitting in the dining hall.

I wake up with the texture print of my shirt pressed into my forehead and a kink in my neck. The smell of bacon sneaks its way into my nose. It looks like breakfast is served. I get up and grab two plates full and slap one down in front of Zeke and go back for some big glasses of water.

I see some of my initiates eating. We're going out to the gates today to see some of the jobs that the Dauntless can do. I hate to say it, but gate jobs are not preferred. Sometimes I wonder if I would have liked to work out there, though. It's miles away from my father and very close to the gateway out of this place.

I notice Tris isn't with Will, Al and Christina when they walk in. Oh no. Was she hurt more than I thought? Christina grabs two muffins and walks back out of the dining hall. I hope she's going to get Tris. I glance at the clock- it's 8:05am. I make my way down to the tracks slowly, glancing over my shoulder to see who follows. I'm looking for Tris and Christina.

Once I get outside, I wait by the track, standing so close that if a train were going by, I could nearly nudge it with my nose.

"What took you so long?" I hear Will's voice over the chatting crowd of initiates. I turn and see Christina walking up with Tris, who is moving so slowly that I don't think she'll be able to get herself onto the train when it comes by. Her eye is black, her lip is split, and she has dark bruises on her arms.

The train comes and initiates start jogging alongside it. I take a step back to let some of them by, still looking at Tris. She's jogging as well, but she certainly doesn't make it look easy. I swing up onto the train and turn to help her in. Al jumps up unexpectedly after me though and I see him reach down and pull Tris up into the train. She's wincing, but at least she didn't get left behind.

I stay standing, my arms on either side of the doorway. I lean out just a little to feel the cold wind hit me. It feels good on my hangover.

"Feeling okay there?" I hear Peter faintly over the roar of the wind. I lean back into the train more to hear better. "Are you a little… _stiff_?" Peter continues. He, Molly, and Drew start laughing. I roll my eyes. That was such a clever pun.

"We are all awed by your incredible wit," Will says. I agree with him, but I also have a headache.

"Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with the Erudite, Peter?" Christina chimes in. I'm glad they're defending Tris, especially standing up to Peter, but I'm over it.

"Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?" I say. Hangovers just don't leave me with the patience. They look at me, then down at their laps. What matters is that they're quiet now. I turn my face back out of the train door and lean forward again into the refreshing cool wind. The city stretches out before me as the train rushes me past. The buildings are gray and crumpled, so old and decrepit that I can't figure out how some of them still stand on their own. I could blow on the bricks and they would disintegrate, I think.

"What do you think is out there?" I can barely hear Tris' soft voice coming from inside the train. "I mean, beyond the fence?" Farms, I think. Farms, broken down buildings, a fence, and freedom, maybe.

"A bunch of farms, I guess," Christina answers her.

"Yeah, but I mean… past the farms? What are we guarding the city from?" Tris continues.

"Monsters!" I hear Christina's reply. Tris raises a good point. She's got a sharp wit. What _are_ we guarding the city from?

I lean further out of the train. I don't want to hear them anymore. My head aches already and they're bringing up things that make me think too hard and will keep me up all night. We are getting close anyway. There are no more buildings, but farms. Yellow and green fields lay out flat now before my eyes. The train's brakes squeal us to a stop. This is one of the few times I've ever been on a train that came to a complete stop. It surprises me still sometimes. It should be easier for Tris to get off this way, I think with a quick glance back at her as I jump off.

I walk towards the chain link fence to wait for the initiates to gather. Why do we need barbed wire across the top of it?

"Follow me," I call out. I walk towards the gate where I can see a truck is coming through from the farms. The Amity work out here and they bring in produce that they grow for the city. The Dauntless out here at the gate inspect the trucks coming in and out. I don't know what they're looking for when they search…

"If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here. Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not much. You may be able to go on patrols beyond Amity's farms, but-"

"Patrols for what purpose?" Will interrupts me. I shrug.

"I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself among them. As I was saying, for the most part, those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist that it isn't as bad as it seems." I glance at the group. Christina is whispering something to Tris. I always seem to notice things going on around Tris. I start to turn away.

"What rank were you?" Peter calls out.

I stop and look Peter in the eye. "I was first," I say calmly.

"And you chose to do _this_?" His eyes widen in surprise. "Why didn't you get a government job?"

I see he's a little power hungry, like Eric. "I didn't want one," I say still looking at him. He looks away first. I keep on walking toward the gate.

"Beatrice?" A young Amity separates Tris from the group. He must also be a transfer to Amity, from Abnegation. So her name was Beatrice there. I never saw her, but I knew that name. Her father works with mine. She was Beatrice Prior. I used to stay in the closet at home when father would join the Priors for dinner back when I was younger.

I look at the boy getting out of the back of the truck to talk to Tris. He's tall and thin and he wears a gray tee shirt with blue jeans. He awkwardly moves and hugs her. Tris stiffens. I feel myself stiffen just from watching.

"_Beatrice_?" Molly sneers. "Is that your real name, Stiff?"

"What did you _think_ Tris was short for?" Tris retorts.

"Oh I don't know, weakling? Oh wait, that doesn't start with Tris. My mistake." Molly is such an idiot. I turn away from that group, Tris and all, shaking my head in disgust and disbelief, but also laughing to myself a little.

I go mingle a bit with the rest of the initiates and a few of the guards who aren't searching the truck that just came through the gate. The Dauntless guards are pulling crates of fruit out of the truck, and the Amity gatherers are even helping them. I can't imagine what kind of danger could be out here, especially if we leave Amity at the threshold of the city, the least able to defend against anything.

Leaning against the fence, I turn my face towards Tris and the Amity boy she is still talking to. Her back is to me. I should have probably put a stop to it, actually. She has to learn to put faction before anything else.

"Hey Four," a voice says. I turn to see Kate, a girl from my initiation class who works here at the gate, walking up to me. Her gun is slung over her shoulder.

"Kate, long time, no see."

"I know. How have you been? I knew you didn't take a government job, but I didn't know you were training initiates."

"I work the control room usually, but Max just asked me to take a few weeks off to do this." I tilt my head towards the truck. "What are you guys looking for in these things?"

Kate looks at the guards and the truck. Amity farmers are still sitting in the truck bed or milling around, waiting just like we are. "We just count the goods. This is taking a little longer than normal, though."

"Have you gone out passed the farms on a patrol, yet?" I ask.

"No. I've only worked out here at the fence. It sounds worse than it is; we have a good time." She looks back out across the fields. I sneak a glance at Tris.

The boy she is talking to looks around at the guards and gives her a sad look. He glances at the truck and so do I; the guards are done searching it. The boy touches Tris' shoulder before climbing into the back of the truck.

"It looks like they're finished," I say to Kate, who is still looking out at the fields.

"Right," she says. "It was good to see you again Four!"

I nod at her and walk over to Tris. She looks up at me. I stand close, just about a foot away from her.

"I am worried that you have a knack for making unwise decisions."

Tris crosses her arms and gets a defiant twinkle in her eye. "It was a two-minute conversation," she says defensively. She doesn't realize that the slightest amount of attention given to anything but Dauntless could put her at the top of the watch list and jeopardize her initiation and future here.

"I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise." I look at her face and see the bruises from yesterday's dance with Peter. My eyebrows knit together and I reach out to touch the corner of a bruise under her eye. She flinches, but I keep my hand there. I wish I could pull the bruise and pain out with my fingers. I tilt my head and sigh. I'm going to have to help her figure out how to prevent this. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better."

Her eyes widen at me. "Attack first? How will that help?"

"You're fast, and if you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." I'm fast too, this is how I have to fight. I shrug and let my hand fall back to my side.

"I'm surprised you know that," she says quietly, "since you left halfway through my one and only fight."

Yes. I did. "It wasn't something I wanted to watch," I say evenly. I hear a rumble coming. "Looks like the next train is here," I say, clearing my throat. "Time to go, Tris."


End file.
